I guess posting a summary of Vol 20 really got me pondering about MoB again. I've been thinking a lot about the Minako incident lately, which led me to a whole slew of other thoughts. I've only speed-read Vol 12 to 19 so some of my thoughts might change after I get the chance (and time) to really sit down and immerse myself in the plot and all.

I really hate to call the Minako incident a blessing in disguise, considering the rather disastrous, immediate consequences of that event. However, there's no denying that it was a turning point in the relationship between Naoe and Kagetora.

I've always been of the opinion that the main obstacle between Kagetora and Naoe was the fact that they were both caught in this vicious cycle of hurt and pain, and the winner-loser complex. Both are unrelenting and both refuse to surrender to the other due to their pride and insecurities attached to their past and/or personalities.

I'm not really trying to give Kagetora credit here but with respect to the main series, he seems to be the first between the two of them to attempt to break the cycle. I've no idea what Kuwabara Mizuna is planning for the prequels novels (which are supposedly going to detail their previous lives up until Minako) since they're still ongoing and seem to be on hiatus for the moment, so I can't say for certain if either of them had tried to take any kind of drastic measures previously to fix things. But there's no denying that Kagetora's sealing of his memories gave them another chance. I'm aware that Minako isn't the only reason for this suppression of memories but it was definitely one major factor. If it was just about Yuzuru, maybe Kagetora would've just gritted his teeth and bear with the fact of having to protect/watch over the one who drove him to his death 400 years ago. Just a thought.

A character back in Vol 1 commented that by sealing his memories, it was almost as if Kagetora was reverting back to a child-like mentality, strongly suggesting that he felt himself to have been so tainted, in every sense of the word, with bitterness, hatred, betrayal, anger and hurt that the only way he could bring himself to forgive and accept Naoe was through the purity and innocence that had long been buried within himself. Kagetora loves Naoe but 400 years of misery was crushing that very love. When you think about Kagetora's history of having been raped and then the experience of being forced into the body of a woman violated by Naoe, this memory alone would probably defeat any kind of chance for their relationship.

Kagetora does eventually remember crucial/painful events but he has already lived 17 years as Takaya without the burden that Kagetora carries, and sort of restarted the relationship with Naoe, even if it deteriorated soon after. Furthermore, he is still subconsciously suppressing his memories for the sake of his soul's well-being, so maybe Kagetora's memories are like an extra set of information stored in his head that he can easily tap into but isn't really an 'active' part of his mindset in his current life (if that makes any sense).

Takaya was such an open person to Naoe in the beginning. He was so, so ready to accept Naoe, to help him. Except that Naoe more or less re-started the viciousness with his cold treatment of Takaya. Again, you can sympathize with him, since Naoe himself is battling his own demons and inferiority complex in the face of the brilliant Kagetora.

Now this is where I don't know if Fate is just cruel or kind to the couple. With Kagetora's attempt botched, both of them got another two wake-up calls: 1) Naoe's death at the end of Vol 11 which showed that Kagetora wasn't just all about trampling on Naoe's pride to make himself feel better - he wanted the relationship to work, he wanted the both of them to continue forward until they found an answer, 2) Vol 20, where Naoe is finally clear about his own feelings. It's interesting to note that by Vol 20, Naoe has essentially achieved what he's been rambling on about for the past 400 years. He wants to beat Kagetora, to surpass him, to be at the centre of the world - and Kenshin gave that to him. With Kagetora, out in the open, broken, Naoe is appointed the new leader of the Uesugi Army, the most feared and loathed among all the warlords in Japan. Except that he throws this away without any hesitation or regret whatsoever (Naoe completely abandons the Uesugi FYI). He just wants Kagetora, to hold him and never let go. At the end of the day, there is no winner or loser in the relationship. In fact, it's insignificant to Naoe. Beating Kagetora isn't going to add any kind of meaning to his existence because he knows himself to have already been changed by this person, for the better.

It's really a sad irony that death (Naoe's and Kagetora's near death situations) brought them together and thereafter it is death (Kagetora's impending doom) again that threatens to break them apart.

I don't know if it sounds paradoxical for me to say this in light of the previous sentence, but I do feel that Mirage is a story that emphasizes how precious life is. It's not about suffering but about perseverance. That it is better to live through all the pain than to give up because life has given Kagetora and Naoe each other. To destroy themselves is like extinguishing the love between them that they had worked so hard to maintain. And I guess this is one of the reasons why Naoe continues to live on at the end of Vol 40. It's depressing but at the same time poignant, and just goes to show how powerful this couple truly is.

ps. I need my holiday... NOW!